Tag Archives: Comfort

Heartbroken

28 Jul

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and
saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

Last Friday started out like any other Friday – the final day of the work week with the peaceful anticipation of a weekend with no real obligations or commitments. As I drove into work, I let my mind wander to where Tim and I could ride the motorcycle to that evening for dinner … setting the pace for a couple days of relaxing and leisure time together.

At 10:53 am, I heard my phone buzz with a text … as I read it, my heart and my head began to swim with confusion and fear over the message and the possibility of what it meant. There were 9 minutes between the first text and the next, but it seemed like an eternity…

Life happened. The weekend was not leisure and relaxing, but instead it was heart wrenching and sad. I’m going to let my daughter tell this story, for she has already beautifully expressed the emotions and anguish that suddenly consumed our family’s world last Friday morning…

Tuesday, July 25th ~

WARNING: About to get REAL heavy and REAL personal….

Today is the 2nd hardest day of my life….next to last Friday. Today I have to get my lifeless baby removed from my body as it wasn’t exiting on it’s own. Friday at my 11 ½ week check-up it was discovered that our SURPRISE baby that God had gifted us had stopped growing around 8-9 weeks. There was no flicker…no heartbeat…just my little gummy bear motionless on the screen in front of me. I had lost my baby.

When we first realized I was pregnant, SHOCK was the emotion of the hour, of the day, of the week…. Yes, yes, I do KNOW what causes one to become with child… but, we are always so careful…. Apparently, God had other plans in mind! So, Troy and I shifted mental gears and began preparing for our new life as a family of 5! Researching bigger vehicles, making plans to rearrange living spaces, and sharing this exciting news with our children. They could not have been more thrilled….they LOVE babies! Names began flying around, “what about this one mom?” Questions….lots of questions…. hugs, and kisses for the baby were a constant… it was a joyous time.

Friday morning Lillie rubbed my belly, kissed the baby and told it she loved it…. Then I sent the kids to a friend’s house and went on my way to my check-up. Expecting nothing out of the ordinary… we had already had our first appointment, we have our baby’s first picture at 7 ½ weeks, heard his or her heart beating strong… I imagined a quick listen of the heart, questions/answers, and we’d be about our day….

Then my world came crashing down…. Instead of tips to help me sleep better at night I was listening to my options from here. Through tears I drove home – Troy was meeting me there from work- he held me-we cried. All our plans, our dreams, our hopes… the baby’s future…gone. Just like that. Now to tell the kids. Lots of questions…lots of not having answers… lots of not understanding. Heck, I don’t understand. Lots of tears.

Lillie still comes up to my belly and hugs it and says “why did baby have to die?? I wanted to be a big sister so bad!” Those moments hurt the most. Knowing the confusion and the disappointment in my children’s mind. Cole’s biggest frustration is not knowing if it was a boy or a girl… I feel ya, buddy…me too. Last night we had special family time saying goodbye to our baby and again this morning…

Through all this… we hold on to the promise that we will see him or her one day in heaven! We don’t understand why this happened, and we probably never will… I mean…why?! Why even give us this amazing miracle, this incredible surprise…just to take it away before we could even meet them…. But, again, we don’t know. But, I do know God loves us. We are holding on to that. We are holding on to each other. We are holding on to the prayers and the love from our friends and family. Please keep them coming as we navigate through this raw and unfamiliar road of grieving along with our children…. Never take for granted the blessing that our lives are.

I am sharing our story: 1. In hopes to help me heal…talking things out sometimes really helps…. 2. To validate my baby’s life by speaking of him or her…. 3. Not for attention or sympathy, but for prayers and to let others know they are not alone in their hurt.

Kim

*** *** ***

Once I received the initial text followed by the sobbing phone call, I dropped everything at work and drove the hour and a half to be with our daughter and her precious family. The safety and familiarity of the routines of life help to stabilize children and keep adults on track. Prescheduled and important obligations were met and the distractions were somewhat appreciated. As cruel as it seems, time marches on, even when the heart is broken. Even when the loss is still physically present and the world around you has no idea.

For this we have Jesus. This Mimi is so grateful that His mercies are new and fresh every morning. I am counting on the fact that He promises to be close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. And as a seasoned veteran of life, I know from experience that God wastes nothing. A ministry of comfort and healing will naturally take place as God tenderly allows the pieces from our broken hearts to speak love and understanding to others who are suffering.

Your prayers for our family are deeply appreciated.

Until next time,
Debbie

 

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
    His mercies never cease.
Great is His faithfulness;

    His mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
    therefore, I will hope in Him!”
 The Lord is good to those who depend on Him,

    to those who search for Him.
Lamentations 3:23-25

 

 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and
saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

 

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ,
so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5

 

For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You when I was
made in the secret place, when I was woven
together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written
in Your book before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16

 

 

 

My Shepherd

19 Oct

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart.
Isaiah 40:11

 

Have you ever had one of those nights when you wake up after being asleep for only a couple of hours?  I have on occasion, but most recently just a few nights ago.  After turning over and fluffing up my pillow, I found myself wide awake.  I slipped out of bed and walked across the hall to the bathroom.  Once back in bed, the heaviness and warmth of the recently added electric blanket weighed down on me, so I got up again and made my way to the kitchen to get some cold water.  The coolness of the liquid felt good, but only for a brief moment.  I crawled back in bed.  I closed my eyes and tried to settle my mind, but instead, thoughts began to race through my head, wrecking havoc to my heart.  Have you ever been there?  I know that sometimes the Lord wakes me up during the wee hours of the morning and I feel an urgency to pray for someone or a particular situation, but I have also learned from experience that Satan can wake me up as well.  Instead of being able to pray my way out the dark pit I felt myself slipping into, I laid there wrestling with the enemy.  After three hours of restless stirrings, my weary mind and exhausted spirit began to search the archives of scripture that I have set to memory.  The only passage that I could clearly remember was the 23rd Psalm…King James Version, of course.  That is how I memorized it as a young child.  Now in the light of day, I am convinced even more so of the importance of teaching our children scripture at a young age.  Psalm 23 somehow penetrated its way through the blackness of my night … do you think it was because it had been engraved on my heart for so many years?

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

I love this!  I claim ownership right here!  He is MY Shepherd!  What more do I need?   Nothing … just Jesus!!

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:

I laid there and slowly began to relax as I envisioned being led into a wide open and spacious meadow full of the richness of Jesus … to lie down and be refreshed and restored by Jesus, MY Shepherd.


he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness
 for his name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

Even though some of those paths may be through valleys full of shadows and long nights, I still know that I can trust MY Shepherd that those paths lead me to righteousness … for His name’s sake … It’s not about me, but it’s all for Him!!

I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Evil, with all its demons of fear, doubt, bitterness, and all those dark night-time darts that the enemy threw at me tried its best to consume me, but I reached out for MY Shepherd, for He promises that He is with me … His very heart comforts me.


Thou preparest a table before me
in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

A victorious and overwhelming banquet … for MY Shepherd Jesus and me!


Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:

My heart began to soar as I came to this verse … my key verse for Morsels of Mercy … a promise to me from the heart of MY Shepherd!!  These precious words also brought to mind a very special song from my days back in Albuquerque in Pastor Gregg’s choir.  Sweet Aroma of Praise …


and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

 

“Forever” began for me just a little over 50 years ago now!   I’m so grateful that I don’t have to wait till I die to dwell in the house of the Lord forever … I can be there now! 

It was the words of this ancient Psalm that finally broke through the tight grip of darkness, and I rested for the remaining few hours of the morning in the sweet presence of MY Shepherd.  It is there that I long to stay.  Where His mercies and His compassions are new every morning … He is my portion, my hope, and I seek Him and wait for Him. 

Won’t you join me?

Till next time,
Debbie

It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed,
because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.
It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.
Lamentations 3:22-26