Tag Archives: Pregnant

Heartbroken

28 Jul

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and
saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

Last Friday started out like any other Friday – the final day of the work week with the peaceful anticipation of a weekend with no real obligations or commitments. As I drove into work, I let my mind wander to where Tim and I could ride the motorcycle to that evening for dinner … setting the pace for a couple days of relaxing and leisure time together.

At 10:53 am, I heard my phone buzz with a text … as I read it, my heart and my head began to swim with confusion and fear over the message and the possibility of what it meant. There were 9 minutes between the first text and the next, but it seemed like an eternity…

Life happened. The weekend was not leisure and relaxing, but instead it was heart wrenching and sad. I’m going to let my daughter tell this story, for she has already beautifully expressed the emotions and anguish that suddenly consumed our family’s world last Friday morning…

Tuesday, July 25th ~

WARNING: About to get REAL heavy and REAL personal….

Today is the 2nd hardest day of my life….next to last Friday. Today I have to get my lifeless baby removed from my body as it wasn’t exiting on it’s own. Friday at my 11 ½ week check-up it was discovered that our SURPRISE baby that God had gifted us had stopped growing around 8-9 weeks. There was no flicker…no heartbeat…just my little gummy bear motionless on the screen in front of me. I had lost my baby.

When we first realized I was pregnant, SHOCK was the emotion of the hour, of the day, of the week…. Yes, yes, I do KNOW what causes one to become with child… but, we are always so careful…. Apparently, God had other plans in mind! So, Troy and I shifted mental gears and began preparing for our new life as a family of 5! Researching bigger vehicles, making plans to rearrange living spaces, and sharing this exciting news with our children. They could not have been more thrilled….they LOVE babies! Names began flying around, “what about this one mom?” Questions….lots of questions…. hugs, and kisses for the baby were a constant… it was a joyous time.

Friday morning Lillie rubbed my belly, kissed the baby and told it she loved it…. Then I sent the kids to a friend’s house and went on my way to my check-up. Expecting nothing out of the ordinary… we had already had our first appointment, we have our baby’s first picture at 7 ½ weeks, heard his or her heart beating strong… I imagined a quick listen of the heart, questions/answers, and we’d be about our day….

Then my world came crashing down…. Instead of tips to help me sleep better at night I was listening to my options from here. Through tears I drove home – Troy was meeting me there from work- he held me-we cried. All our plans, our dreams, our hopes… the baby’s future…gone. Just like that. Now to tell the kids. Lots of questions…lots of not having answers… lots of not understanding. Heck, I don’t understand. Lots of tears.

Lillie still comes up to my belly and hugs it and says “why did baby have to die?? I wanted to be a big sister so bad!” Those moments hurt the most. Knowing the confusion and the disappointment in my children’s mind. Cole’s biggest frustration is not knowing if it was a boy or a girl… I feel ya, buddy…me too. Last night we had special family time saying goodbye to our baby and again this morning…

Through all this… we hold on to the promise that we will see him or her one day in heaven! We don’t understand why this happened, and we probably never will… I mean…why?! Why even give us this amazing miracle, this incredible surprise…just to take it away before we could even meet them…. But, again, we don’t know. But, I do know God loves us. We are holding on to that. We are holding on to each other. We are holding on to the prayers and the love from our friends and family. Please keep them coming as we navigate through this raw and unfamiliar road of grieving along with our children…. Never take for granted the blessing that our lives are.

I am sharing our story: 1. In hopes to help me heal…talking things out sometimes really helps…. 2. To validate my baby’s life by speaking of him or her…. 3. Not for attention or sympathy, but for prayers and to let others know they are not alone in their hurt.

Kim

*** *** ***

Once I received the initial text followed by the sobbing phone call, I dropped everything at work and drove the hour and a half to be with our daughter and her precious family. The safety and familiarity of the routines of life help to stabilize children and keep adults on track. Prescheduled and important obligations were met and the distractions were somewhat appreciated. As cruel as it seems, time marches on, even when the heart is broken. Even when the loss is still physically present and the world around you has no idea.

For this we have Jesus. This Mimi is so grateful that His mercies are new and fresh every morning. I am counting on the fact that He promises to be close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. And as a seasoned veteran of life, I know from experience that God wastes nothing. A ministry of comfort and healing will naturally take place as God tenderly allows the pieces from our broken hearts to speak love and understanding to others who are suffering.

Your prayers for our family are deeply appreciated.

Until next time,
Debbie

 

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
    His mercies never cease.
Great is His faithfulness;

    His mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
    therefore, I will hope in Him!”
 The Lord is good to those who depend on Him,

    to those who search for Him.
Lamentations 3:23-25

 

 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and
saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

 

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ,
so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5

 

For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You when I was
made in the secret place, when I was woven
together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written
in Your book before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16

 

 

 

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MimiX2

5 Oct

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.  
III John 1:4

 

Baby Announcement Cupcake

The little piece of paper said “May 1st”.  I found it at the bottom of the cupcake I was eating.  Was it some random quality control sticker that someone accidentally placed on the inside of the muffin cup, or was it the subtle message of proclamation that I had been waiting for now for several months?  I leaned over to my hubby and asked him if he also had a May 1st slip of paper … and he did!  At that moment, I looked up to see the grins on the faces of our daughter and her husband as I squealed out the question … “Are you pregnant?”  Hugs, kisses, and more hugs were shared freely at that moment as the realization dawned on us, Mimi and Papaw, that another precious little life was on its way!  My ecstatic grandma heart quieted down temporarily in order to listen to the details of symptoms, early morning tests, a doctor visit, and our need to keep this quiet for the next few weeks.  Oh my!  Such a difficult job description for a Mimi and Papaw … but somehow we made it through, and here we are!   We have another grandbaby on the way!

The request of silence was until the tiny heart beat was heard and the attending physician gave the official due date, which is May 6th.  The fascinating fact of this new baby is that it is the same time period that we experienced Cole’s journey.  His due date was May 4th, but due to Kim’s severe case of pre-eclampsia, we were surprised with Cole’s birth 6 weeks early.  We are praying for a different grand entrance this next time!

Soon after finding out that Kim was going to have another baby, Tim and I went on an evening motorcycle ride.  As is our habit of safety, I shoot off a quick text to Kim and let her know that we are going for a ride.  The response read “Be careful MimiX2!”

The Big Brother

As the expecting parents visit doctors, view ultrasounds, and plan for the newest member of their family, this Mimi plans on coming along side to give an extra helping hand … especially with bringing Cole home for more weekend playtimes and allowing some much needed rest for his momma.  Maybe we’ll take a trip to the local library and check out some books about how fun it is to be a big brother!  I know that this grandma is overwhelmed by God’s amazing grace and His mercies which are new for me every morning.  I turn 51 years old tomorrow, and am extremely excited to think that before my next birthday, I will be MimiX2.   Won’t you join me in celebrating life?  The miraculous gift of the unborn child, the rambunctious life of a toddler, and even the life of a vintage woman named Mimi.

Until next time,
Debbie

 

Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him.
Psalm 127:3

I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
Psalm 146:2

 

For my friends who subscribe to Morsels of Mercy and automatically get a copy sent to your email, check out the blog on my website to see additional photos of my family         https://morselsofmercy.wordpress.com

**  Blog photo of fall decorations in my home … October 2011